Just heard a dog barking that sounded like someone doing a bad impression of a dog barking
— Lisa Dib (@LisaDib1) September 30, 2014
Knock it off with the put-downs on this website. Everyone should be allowed to have fun tweeting without the peanut gallery chiming in.
— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) September 29, 2014
Who would you bang: Oscar Pistorius or O.J. Simpson?
— Tommy Dassalo (@dassalo) September 25, 2014
they gave the new big iphone to flava flav and even he was like "this is a bit much"
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) September 25, 2014
ten minutes into peeling a mandarin. starting to think it's an orange.
— Nick Taras (@NickyTaras) September 24, 2014
Overheard on my train: 1: 'Who's in the Grand Final?' 2: 'Hawks v Sydney' 1: 'Oh Hawks! They're my boys!' Dear fucking lord give me strength
— Sam Gray (@samcgray) September 23, 2014
when spoken, the lyrics to 'Shake It Off' sound like someone having a nervous breakdown
— Rose Matafeo (@Rose_Matafeo) September 22, 2014
"Nom nom nom nom … Mmm, confidential!" - My impersonation of the office shredder.
— Alex Wasiel (@alexwasiel) August 29, 2014
"And this is the hug strengthening machine." "Uh, I think that's called a bench press." "Who's the personal trainer, me or you?"
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) August 23, 2014
in addition to being a respected American satirist, I am also quite the intellectual. Please update your dossiers accordingly.
— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) September 18, 2014
like who needs actual love. tbh I'm fine with "functionally equivalent"
— ✨The Feels Stomper✨ (@theindigi) September 17, 2014
For me, the nicknames from male strangers heirarchy is very strongly buddy < mate < bro < champ < pal.
— Thomas Tom McLean (@mcccclean) September 17, 2014